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Wrongful Death/Negligence
Accept that this was a accident, God's will and meant to be, no amount of money will bring your child back.
I will not accept a lie. This was a crash not an accident and my intent is to educated and to prevent this from occurring to others. My child is priceless and I am not looking to replace her with money, nor I am looking to get rich.
It was no accident..you could tell that if you took just one look at my baby. No, the amount of money will not bring my child back, but with my case on the law books, it may help others who have to go through what I'm going through and in time if there are enough, then the doctor who did this will be punished..which is exactly what happened (10 years later though) on Feb. 24, 2000. The doctor finally got his license to practice revoked and will cease to hurt others now...which is what we had wanted in the first place..we did not sue just for the money!
My daughter's death was listed as wrongful death. I really felt that before I could begin to heal, I had to forgive. We did not seek to collect any money.
It wasn't an accident....it was neglect on the part of the CPS worker who investigated our perp prior to her licensing...and it was the neglect on the part of child care licensing for failing to investigate properly.
There is really no such thing as an "accident". Even though the act was unintentional, someone was at fault. I don't believe in a God that "allows" these things to happen, he gives us freedom of choice. The money, even one dollar is admission that someone was at fault and should have used better judgement, and it does help with some closure.
Yes, it was an accident and no amount of money will bring my son back. However, God does not make accidents happen. People do, through their ignorance or negligence. I do not gracefully accept negligence when it causes death/injury/hurt to someone else.
You just need to blame someone right now, your in shock.
Yes I was in shock when I entered litigation, but how clearly I can see that my child's death was preventable.
No, I need to find out answers as to why all this happened since the doctors refuse to tell me the truth! Pressing a suit will hopefully give me those answers through medical evidence.
I think all of us can sympathize with this. . . I put blame on many things including God Himself. . . Anger is a stage of the greiving process. In this instance, the other party's fully accepted responsibility. . .there was never a doubt who was at fault.
You're right, we do blame someone and it isn't just our baby's murderer. Shock has absolutely nothing to do with this. In fact "shock" would prevent the proactive stance that we are taking. Every one responsible for this heinous crime needs to be held accountable. The criminal courts addressed our perpetrator. The civil courts will address her accompliaces. No one should ever have to endure what we have endured.
Yes, I will probably be in shock for quite awhile, and I do blame the one who was at fault. It is a part of human nature.
Yes, I'm in shock. Extreme pain causes everyone shock. And yes, maybe I do need to blame someone for their bad judgement. That bad judgement cost my son his life and it cost everone who loved him a lifetime of pain. Perhaps you think I shouldn't blame, but I am a human being - a mother- with very human emotions.
Your making your pain worse through litigation.
I may be stuck in a certain phase of grief throughout the litigation process, but if I can help one person, save one person, then my child was not killed in vain. I know my child is proud of her family for standing up for what is right.
Yes, I may just be doing that, but God will help me through it all if it will keep others from going through what I am going through.
The state is the one in my case that persued litigation. I followed it closely and even met with the young man at fault. I think it helped me to do this. It helped me to heal. I really feel my child was proud of her/his mom through all of this. I feel we did the right thing.
There is no measure of Pain when you are addressing the issue of a child that was sensely killed and one that didn't have to die. Had the appropriate actions been taken and addressed before the death. We are going to make sure that everything is done to prevent it from happening again and save someone else the "PAIN".
My pain is the worst pain anyone could ever have, litigation can not make it any worse. I live this every day.
Yes, litigation is painful, but there is no way that it is worsening my pain. There is no pain worse than that of losing a child. Litigation merely gives me somewhere to direct my thoughts and pain for awhile.
If it were my child I couldn't fathom suing, your putting a price tag upon your child.
No, my child is priceless, truly if you have a child/children you would know. Education and justice is what we are attempting to achieve, yet during this process the perpetrator has more rights than the victim. In our country there are laws to protect, when these laws are broken someone needs to be held accountable, that truly would be the only justice of importance, not the money.
No, I'm making sure my child did not die in vain!
The circumstances of my child's death, were very different I guess. It WAS an accident. It could have been prevented, but the accident was not intentional on anyone's part. I realized that my child would never come home again, healing and peace was what I looked for, not money.
What is the price of an innocent child's life? I'm quite certain if it were your child and a suit would bring to light the atrocities of someone else's actions, you wouldn't be saying the same thing!
The purpose of our law suit was to make responsible parties see where their fault was, and maybe it will force them to improve their system so this won't happen to anyone else. In our case, a similar incident happened to someone else before changes were made.
I am not putting a price on my child. There is no price great enough for a human life. What I am trying to do is point out that negligence and bad judgement is costly. Since the defendant cannot feel the lifetime of pain that I have ahead of me, I am suing them to attempt to make them think before they act or fail to act, again.
Your litigation is wrong, it is blood money.
It is money that a child earned by having her life brutally taken by negligence, she had rights, a life, a family whom loves her no matter her bodily condition. Her family will see to it that the money helps others, her surviving siblings and others with brain injuries. In hopes that one day another family never has to shut off life support due to brain death, in hopes that medical science may one day be able to stop severe swelling of the brain.
I am not litigating this case for the money. I don't care if I walk away without a cent. I want the guilty parties to realize they were wrong and it's because of their negligence my child is not here with me today.
Malpractice is not blood money...it is a need to know and money is the only way the lawyers know how to compensate us..but no amount of money will ease the pain I'm going through.
The other party's insurance paid policy limits. This was used for medical, funeral costs etc. The rest was put in trust for her only brother, when he is mature enough to handle it.
You're right. It's blood money. Money that represents the spilled blood of all children who died needlessly due to inadequate laws and lack of enforcement of those laws. What better way to tell the world...."keep our children safe"?
If it is a case of murder, it is ok to prosecute the murderer, or even bring on a civil suit against them. The only way to prosecute a system in through their pocketbook. So what is the difference.
I'm sorry you feel that way. I wish that there were some way to help you understand why I am suing, and that I don't think it's blood money.
Domestic Violence
One Less Empty Grave
My heart is breaking, Lord.
You know how I feel inside.
Another child has been taken;
Another child has just died.
One can read it in the paper,
or hear it on the news...
Another child has suffered
at the hands of cruel abuse!
When will this madness end?
How much more can the children take?
When will we as human beings
stand up for the children's sake?
Oh, how sad to think of a baby
left abandoned to die alone!
Or a child in any emergency room
suffering from bruises & broken bones!
To think of the many parents, Lord,
who've lost a child they dearly love.
Then, to think of the so-called parents
who show emotion with slaps & shoves!
It’s hard to even comprehend, Lord,
how this tragedy can persist.
What is that poor child thinking of
as he feels the impact of a fist?
Oh, I know that You hold each child
within the realms of Your affection.
Lord, You gave children to us as a gift
to feel loved and not rejection!
So when I read it in the paper
or hear it on the news
that another child has suffered
at the hands of cruel abuse...
I just close my eyes and say a prayer;
that if even one child can be saved...
It'd be a victory for the children, Lord,
if there’s One Less Empty Grave!
Copyright 1998 Kaye Des’Ormeaux
Dedicated to the victims of child abuse/Domestic Violence
Why didn't your child get away?
With four children and very little money, where could she go?
Do you want the death penalty?
No, I want him to live a very long life in prison, I want him to know and live with the same fear for his safety he put her through for over six months.
How can you sit in the court hearings with him in the same room?
I am there for my daughter and husband. He has nothing to do with it.
How can you be so strong?
Am I?
Why didn't she get protection, a restraining order?
She had them. They really aren't worth the paper they are written on.
Don't you hate him?
No, I won't let him fill me with hate. Hate is what caused this, he has taken all from me that he is going to get.
Didn't you see it coming?
You never really believe a person is capable of murdering someone they supposedly love.
In time, it will get better, you will get closure.
It never gets better, you learn to cope, and what in the hell is closure?
Suicide
Suicide
What exactly is this word
We hear so much about
Its the taking of one's life
As they see no other route
People get so down and out
And see no other way
Of trying to get past the pain
for just one more day
They never see beyond today
Of what great pain they'll cause
For their pain is so great
They can't for one minute pause
To see that down the road will be
Less pain, more love and peace
All they feel is darkness
Coming over them that won't cease
Lets reach out our hand
Help them find the way
For if we can get them through it
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Written by Helen Mead©
I think the worst thing with suicide is the silence.
Silence from friends and most assuredly from strangers. It may be with all type of death, but the silence from people to me indicated that we killed our child.
Why do you think he/she did it?
If you really want to know I will tell you; Depression. Depression kills and it is a very silent killer, one that we should all be on the look out for within our families and close friends.
Did you have to clean up afterwards?
Most people don't know this, but your home insurance will help you. Ours did and we are forever grateful. They were only upset that we didn't call earlier.
Did you know he/she was going to take his/her life?
Well, of course we did NOT know, do you think we stood idly by and waited for this to happen? We were totally blindsided, as most are in this situation.
Why didn't you help him/her?
I thought we did help her for over 19 years of her life, but sometimes your best is just not good enough to READ a person's mind. We would give ourselves gladly in her place if it would bring her back.
I wouldn't even go to my childs funeral if they did something like that.
Then I hope to God you never have to face that choice, because as angry as we may be at the person for doing something like that, we still love them and miss them, and are devastated by what happened.
When you walk a mile in my shoes then you may make such statements. Until then I would count the blessings that you have in your own family and not look down your nose at anyone or anything. I hope to God that you never have to make the arrangements for your child and try to play hostest to people that you barely know for a funeral. It was one of the most horrible things to ever happen in my life besides the day that I found her. Suicide is the Cancer of this generation. Something that should be hidden and not talked about. But, suicide is much more deadly then cancer ever will be because oft times it is totally silent.
Accident
It's tragic, but was her time.
The God I believe is merciful and just, he would never be anything else.
As the time has passed and I have healed more I do believe this is true. My son/daughter had told me most of his/her life he/she was going to die young and after the accident his/her sister-in-law and his/her spouse both told me he/she told them he/she was going to die in his/her 20's. He/She was 21, /heshe also had a dream two weeks before the accident. My child dreamed he/she had a car accident and told his/her spouse how he/she wanted his/her funeral and if one or both of the children were with him/her, he/she wanted them in the same casket. So his/her Spirit did know and let his/her physical know. That hasn't made it any easier on me as a Mom, but I do believe we each have our times we will go home.
Yes, part of me blamed the hospital and the staff. But in all honesty, I don't know if it would have made any difference in the final outcome. At this point it is also not going to help any in the healing process if I were to hold onto that anger.
It was better this way, the crash was quick, if it had to be. At least she didn't suffer.
I would give anything in the world including my own life if it hadn't have happened, but since it did I'm thankful he/she didn't suffer. I'm sure when he/she seen she was going to crash, well I don't even like to think about what went through his/her mind that hurts me more. My grandchild was still alive when the ambulance got their but had a broken neck and knew he/she would be paralyzed the rest of his/her life if they saved him/her so they didn't even try. I'm glad he/she didn't have to live a life like this. I believe with all my heart if someone would have said these things to me after it happened it would have really hurt and upset me. Time does heal the Intense pain, but the deep scar will always be there.
Well, not a heart problem, but he was born without an immune system and many people equated that with AIDS. The pain that caused was immense. Those that thought he had AIDS probably thought that I had it, too. It was not very pretty. I was surprised that he died, you see, my nephew also has the same genetic condition -- and he lived. I had expected it to be hard. I had expected him to get very sick. But I never expected him to die... not even the day before when I was praying over him after the Dr. told us there was nothing left to do.
Drunk Driver
I'm sure he/she didn't mean for it to happen.
Maybe they didn't plan to go out and kill someone, but they did decide to drink and drive. My child did not decide to die.
Just because it wasn't planned doesn't change the end result. My child died.
He/she probably didn't even know what happened.
That's true, when people are intoxicated they suffer memory loss as well as other things, loss of basic motor functions, distorted vision, slow reflexes, poor judgment etc…
It still happened whether they remember it or not. I will never forget.
I hope you won't hold these against that person and let it ruin your life.
This is not a fairy tale with a happily ever after ending. My life is not ruined it is over. I now exist in a state of waiting to be reunited with my child in Heaven.
I'm sure the drunk driver is sorry it happened.
Being sorry doesn't bring my child back to me.
Oh sure and he/she will never drink and drive again. That is why our legal system sees so many repeat drunk driving offenders. Read your newspaper.
At least you will get justice/revenge. The drunk driver will get what he/she deserves.
Gee that really helps.
No chances are little or no jail time will be served. Go sit in a courtroom and listen to a few cases.
Is revenge supposed to heal my pain?
Justice? Do you think I even have the energy to think about that?
It could happen to anyone, we all drink and drive a little from time to time.
Oh really? Be sure and let me know when you are getting behind the wheel, so I can warn my friends and loved ones.
No we don't! Never have and never will. I pray to God you won't ever again.
I hope you won't become one of those MADD fanatics now.
Who do you think is responsible for making the tougher drunk driving laws we have today?
What do you think I should do?
My child did not die in vain. Together we as a group can change the law and make a difference
Illness
The hospital should not have handled it that way.
This is true, but we cannot go on ifs and buts, we have to face the reality that he is no longer here and go on as best we can.
Why do you say that? Do you know a better way?
You shouldn't be surprised that he/she died - he/she had heart problems you know.
Yes I knew and yes I was surprised because he/she had been doing so great for years. After a couple times I started asking if they knew what kind of heart problems he/she had. Not one could even say - because they were never around during those times.
You can never really prepare yourself for the death of someone you love, especially a child. You never give up hope, even when the situation seems hopeless to eveyone else.
Sudden Deaths
Weren't there any signs?
There were no signs that we were aware of.Just normal teenage stuff.
No there were not, my child's sudden death was due to negligence of a truck driver and rental company. No warning.
Did he/she have headaches?
Nothing out of the ordinary..We did find out later that she would complain to her friends at school all the time about having a headache.
After we were hit she had severe head injuries.
You didn't notice anything different?
We found out a when my daughter was taken to the hospital and all tests were performed that she had AVM which is something she was born with and there was nothing that could have been done. There was one massive brain hemmorage and there was no way of predicting it ahead of time. She was perfectly fine one minute and the next she suffered one massive headache and went into a coma. There were no warnings or signs that forewarned us about this. I am just so thankful that she sisn't suffer, she went very quickly.
Yes, I did after the sudden impact. My daughter survived for twelve hours after.
 
Copyright/Disclaimer
This has been written by the members of My Parents Are Survivors to help us to get through the worst time of our lives. Every word of this information and feelings is copy written by the writer. That means that you can NOT use this material in any way, shape or form. Please do not ask, because permission will NOT be given. This has been written from our hearts and will not be duplicated.
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